A textbook example of type A personality, always looking to impress, and go above and beyond the call of duty, Sergeant Amy Santiago is highly organized, insanely competitive, and a bit of a control freak, and we mean it in the sweetest way possible. She’s also very nerdy, especially about bureaucracy, office supplies, and anything related to her job.
When she gets nervous, Amy is prone to overreacting and having minor meltdowns. These meltdowns can range from full-on rage, kicking and screaming to awkwardly mumbling nonsense, sometimes in broken English. Today, we’re listing Amy Santiago’s then best meltdowns on Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
EMBARRASSING HERSELF IN FRONT OF HOLT
Amy embarrassing herself in front of Holt deserves its own spot because even though those are minor mishaps, she tends to overreact. The eager-to-please Detective Amy Santiago, now Sergeant, has always seen Captain Holt as a mentor, and a father figure. From day one, she was determined to make him her mentor and she was willing to go to extreme lengths to ensure it happens.
In her efforts to get closer to Holt, she’s managed to embarrass herself quite a few times. On his birthday she called him by his first name and complimented his slacks, then immediately chastised herself. When Holt asked her to head up a community outreach program, she started mumbling in broken English and then promised to “make better mouth.” And one time Holt gave her an order and actually she replied: “your wish is my command". When Holt pointed out that he is giving her a command, she somehow managed to imply she’s a genie before leaving awkwardly.
AMY, THE PLUMBER
The season five episode “Show Me Going” got just a little too real what with Rosa being caught up in a shooting. In order to distract themselves from worrying about Rosa, Amy and Gina decide to fix the toilet as a welcome back surprise for Rosa. However, they soon find out that fixing a toilet is harder than it looks.
Nevertheless, Amy persisted. She didn’t fix it, of course, but she did take out her anger on the toilet seat… and pretty much everything else. Destroying appliances is Level Three on Amy’s panic scale, which goes to show just how worried she was about Rosa. The way the writers used this plotline to bring humor to an episode that tackled such a serious issue worked very well. It was fun to watch Amy get destroyed by a toilet, and satisfying as hell to watch her destroy the toilet.
FOMOW
In the season six episode “Ticking Clock” a hacker tried to tear down the Nine-Nine from the inside. The race against the clock had everyone searching the building for the attacker, except Amy who was at the dentist until she got the alert that the Nine-Nine was on lockdown.
As it turned out, Amy has a bit of a FOMOW (shocking, right?) and as soon as she got the alert she walked out in the middle of the procedure and headed to the Nine-Nine. She screamed at another person to prevent them from stealing her cab but realized she’d be faster on foot, so she ended up running at full speed, all the while making video calls to Jake to check up on the case. Classic Amy, freaking out because she might miss something at work.
I’M ALL OUT OF HOOTS!
The sixth season opens with Jake and Amy on their honeymoon, where they run into none other than a depressed Captain Holt wallowing in his misery. The newlyweds sacrifice their honeymoon to do everything in their power to help Holt come to his senses and return to the Nine-Nine, but to no avail.
They even give him a speech, trying to convince him that the Nine-Nine still needs him, again to no avail. Both Jake and Amy put up with Holt’s cranky attitude, but Amy finally cracks when Holt dares call Jake selfish. She scolds him for not appreciating Jake, and makes sure he knows full-well that “she’s all out of hoots.” Seeing Amy get that upset at Holt of all people is just priceless.
FRAUD DOG!
In the season three episode “The 9-8,” the Nine-Nine becomes a hellish place when the squad from the 98th precinct is temporarily relocated to the Nine-Nine. It doesn’t help that the Nine- Eight are awfully inconsiderate guests. Amy’s new deskmate, Brian, brought a dog, which creates a small issue for her because she’s allergic. Amy claims Brian made up reasons to get his so-called “service animal,” and, considering his reason is mild foot pain, she’s absolutely right.
After a while, stuffed, angry, and powerless, Amy starts chanting “fraud dog” and Rosa joins her with “juice Ellen” referring to her chatty deskmate who is just now learning about the wonders of a juicer. Later on, Amy even goes as far as suggesting they poison the dog with chocolate to create a distraction.
HYPOGLYCEMIC RAGE
In the season one episode “Fancy Brudgom,” Terry, Gina, and Amy start a new, extreme diet together. For breakfast, they got an orange wedge, three cashew nuts, and a solitary grape. Because the portions are so small, the group resorts to package-licking and almond-sucking for sustenance.
While Amy was still working on her afternoon almond, Hitchcock ran into her from behind causing the almond to fly out of her mouth and fall on the floor. To make matters worse, when he went to pick it up he crushed it with his foot. Hypoglycemic, Amy starts yelling at Hitchcock, saying how he ruined her life and wishing him all kinds of misfortune. With Terry’s help, she manages to control herself until Hitchcock mistakes her almond for cashew, pushing Amy over the edge. “Cashew? It was an almond, you idiot!” she screams and Terry literally has to carry her out of the room as she rants on.
YOU BE CRAZY.
In the season four episode “Bank Job,” Amy, Terry, and Charles use their awesome detective skills to deduce that Gina is pregnant. However, since she obviously didn’t want anyone to know, they decide to pretend that they don’t know anything. The ruse doesn’t last long though, because Boyle freaks out when he sees Gina drinking coffee.
They try to fix Boyle’s mess, but neither Terry nor Amy manage to say anything that would throw Gina off their track. Amy’s broken English is something we’ll never forget. Unable to lie, Amy breaks down, mumbling: “We don’t know no secret. You be crazy. I always talk like this. Down in Kokomo.”
THE MONTY HALL PROBLEM
When Captain Holt and his husband Kevin come to Amy and Rosa with a math problem, it results in some of the most hilarious Amy and Holt moments of all time. Amy siding with Kevin doesn’t help the case and the Monty Hall Problem threatens to ruin Holt and Kevin’s marriage. Amy thinks the solution is explaining the problem to Captain Holt, but Rosa has her own idea.
Rosa explains how they just haven’t seen each other because of the night shift and says that they just need to bone. Taken aback by Rosa’s choice of word, Amy nervously mumbles stuff like “Rosa, those are our dads,” “Captain Dad is just my boss,” and, last but not least “Never mind, I’m teaching father the math.” Later on, Captain Holt throws an even bigger tantrum over the use of the word “bone.”
OH, THE BUREAUCRACY!
In the season five episode “The Favor,” Seamus Murphy calls in his favor with Captain Holt and requests a permit for a block party. Amy gladly takes it upon herself to go to the Street Activity Permits Office to acquire the permit and takes a very disinterested Rosa as back-up. While waiting in line, Amy describes bureaucracy as a beautiful puzzle waiting to be cracked, words that she will regret sooner than she thinks.
When Amy’s request is denied on account of a very obvious mistake in the system, she literally blue-screens. Trying to solve the beautiful puzzle that is bureaucracy, Amy gets stuck in a loop: “to get an approved 1290, I need an approved 1021-J, which I can’t get without an approved 1290, which I can’t get without an approved 1021-J, which I can’t get without an approved 1290, which I can’t get without an approved 1021-J…” Rosa escorts Amy out of the building, adding “you broke her brain.”
THE AMY PANIC SCALE
In the season four episode “Chasing Amy,” Amy Santiago has her biggest meltdown ever when she gets entirely too nervous about taking the Sergeant Exam. She shows up at the precinct with an inexplicable hairdo due to obsessive stress-braiding, which happens to be Level One on Amy’s panic scale. Jake confirms that she’s jumped up to Level Two because she started creepily singing songs from the Great American Songbook.
Moments later, Amy starts smashing the microwave for taking too long with her oatmeal, thus reaching Level Three: Taking her anger out on appliances. Seeing these three levels of panic, even briefly, was absolutely hilarious.
